Removing The Mask

Acting is attractive. Top poker faces yield lucrative outcomes. Winds of emotional upheaval can be raging inside while a picture of placid temperament is painted on one’s face. Creating an image of anything bedsides one’s own self is a talent to behold.

However, if one’s relationships are laced with insincerity they’re not meaningful. The Rabbis taught that disingenuousness is a pejorative trait. Rabban Gamliel barred insincere students from the study hall (Brachos 28a). God hates ones who speak with their mouth and feel differently with their heart (Pesachim 113b).
It is prohibited to deliberately ruse people by creating false impressions. (Bava Metziah 59a, Chullin 94a, Mishnah Torah, Hilchos Deos 2:6). This behavior is especially insidious because one’s promises establish a false sense of security for others (Shaarei Teshuva, #183).

Remarkably, Prophet Zephaniah (3:13) suggests that Jewish rank is questioned when one is mendacious. “The remnant of Israel will not commit corruption, they will not speak falsehood, and a deceitful tongue will not be found in their mouth.”

Certainly, it is fruitless to deal with such people or become them. How do we tell what people are truly about?

The Talmud guides us to reach beneath any facade. Rebbe Elayi said, ‘in three ways is a person perceptible; with their cup, pocket and anger. Some say that they are perceptible with laughter (Eruvin 65b).
Rashi explains that the Talmud instructs how to discern a correct person. Observe them when they are drunk. Are they settled with their wine? Or depressed? (Maharsha, ibid) Do they deal in business honesty? How often do they get angry? During these circumstances one cannot hide.

Maharsha explains that the Rabbis chose these examples purposefully. These states of being are telling about a person’s personality as whole. We have three basic relationships. We relate to people, God and ourselves. When one drinks and it is apparent that they are settled with themselves, they relate to themselves functionally. Honestly in business facilitates fine relationships with others. Infrequent anger generates a good relationship with God. This is clarified by the Talmud (Shabbos 105b). ‘One who breaks things because they are angry should be in your eyes like idol worshippers.’ Frequent anger leads to denial of God.

Perhaps this is the intent of the Ethics of Our Fathers (2:1) when it states, ‘Rebbe said, ‘which is the proper path that a man should choose for himself? Whatever is a credit to him and earns the esteem of fellow men’. It is paramount that our behavior communicates straightforwardness that will earn us the esteem of others.